When my now wife explained her lactose intolerance, Irritable bowel syndrome and gluten allergy with embarrassment after mistakenly eating a pack of spicy tortilla chips, I honestly thought of the scene in Along Came Polly where Ben Stiller has his memorable diarrhea attack. Later that night I woke up to never ceasing diarrhea attack. I laid in bed unsure of what to do how should I go about this. Minutes passed and I jumped from my bed to the bathroom door knocking five minutes or so to convince her to let me inside. The door opens, I find my girlfriend of 3 weeks passed out sweating on top of the toilet seat crying in embarrassment understandably. I tried to reassure her that it was okay.
I had never dared to wander the gluten free section of any grocery store. I have always been allergic but mostly to some fruits and berries. As skinny American kid and adult being raised in the 90’s a "Got Milk?” Ad was the closest guide I got to getting strong and healthy muscles so consequently I drank milk four times a day like I was running for Mr. Universe. Drinking milk ultimately never got me any results but I liked the taste, an addiction almost.
Fast Forward to 2012. Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free, Soy-Free, Vegan. "The Big Boom”, at least for me anyway. "It’s a Money Craze” billions being made in the food industry and after years of silence it found its way into trending topics. Monsato had distrupted the food world like never before. Here it was a global phenomenon, People Opened their eyes and questioned what they were eating. Assuredly I would come to loathe all of the people around me starting to adhere to this trend as I liked my sense of classic identity, anti-establishment and anti-progression looking back I was a strong case for basket-case. But seeing so many Facebook posts and news articles made me wonder. Suddenly I too wondered what I was eating. I did too…for a few weeks. Then, like many, continued my life and opted out of the embarrassment of courting aisles of gluten-free, and grass-fed options for the next 6 years. I kept my mind and my food regular.
But a whole new worldly progression swiftly grew around me and and maybe the ignorance or my sense of strong classic male identity kept me like a horse with blinders staring away from it all.
Back to my girlfriend on the toilet. I was completely clueless and I could not run more from the obvious reality that was about to become of my life.
My Gluten Free Wife
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